I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
