I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
