remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
