sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
