yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
