every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
