The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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