we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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