i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
