There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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