Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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