I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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