it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
