All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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