My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
