Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
