i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
