I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize