What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
