youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
