no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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