I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
