Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
