Operation Purity has been aborted
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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