Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
