Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
