paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
