apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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