I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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