Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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