i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
