Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
