I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
