it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
