Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i think i have herpe
just one?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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