I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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