I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hippo gnu deer
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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