god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
