Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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