Your dad touched me again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
