im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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