I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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