So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize