Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
