Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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