If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
