So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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