don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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