I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
