I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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