I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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