I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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