I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
