Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
