Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
