what is it with giant penises always finding me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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