i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
