if you like me you must not know who I am
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
