at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize