That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My cat gives me a boner
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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