I'm so fucking centered right now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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